Yet another story idea

I keep finding my brain working on this new story. Haven't written any of it down yet, but it's developing nicely nonetheless. I don't know whether to be frustrated with myself that I have so many unfinished stories, or to be glad about the inspiration and using whatever motivation I have to at least produce something creative. I'm thinkin I'm going with the latter, though.

Happily, I've also been thinking some about how to finish my children's detective story. I'm so close, but I can't quite picture exactly how I want the exciting conclusion to go down. I want to have minimal violence, but I've also set it up that groups of various woodland critters are fighting each other, so some violence is unavoidable. For the most part, though, they'll outsmart the bad guys.

I keep finding myself without enough time to actually write anything, though. It's silly of me; I produced the lolcat story in four days, and about three hours of writing. I need to simply make the time. I manage to make time for plenty of other, less important things! If only I could write instead of sleeping, I'd be totally set. ;)

Teh Grate Cheezburger Liber... Liburr... Reskyoo!

Catpurr 3: Teh Mewment uv Troo

Wen Lil Kit reeched Big Smoo’s, her finded awl teh kittehs chillin owtside, unnerneef teh beeg tree dat stood rite next to teh howz. Teh naypurrhud kittehs luved dis tree, cuz it hads lotsa lawng branches, low-stretchin branches wer dey cud plae Monorail Kitteh or yodul or taek gud napz awn. It wuz also nyss cuz itz wer an owld tree an tall enuff dat dey cud ezilee klym onto teh roof an luk owt obur teh bootiful Hawayyin coaztlyn.

But her kwiklee noteizd dat teh kittehs wuz nawt hasing teh festiev happehtymes dat her spected. Big Smoo wuz paysin to an fro, a worreid luk awn himz faec. “I can’t bleev doz stoopy hyoominz sed no shares!” himz wuz sayin to Stretch, hoo wuz sacked owt along wun uv teh branches, lukkin liek a borred panthur.

Stretch yawnd. “Wut did u esspect, d00d? Mah mommeh offurd meh a pees uv brokli teh uvver dae. Dey jus crazee. Dey neber gibs us teh nommy fud.”

Tux, hoo wuz sittin nex to teh Baron awn teh branch abuv dem, snortid wif lafftur an flikkd teh Baron wif himz tail. “Coors, if we wuz awl hasing teh Baron’s mommeh, us’d be hasing teh tuna or sammon ebry nite wif dinnur.”

Baron Von Nomnomnom, hoo wuz hasing a baff, pawsed fur a meowment to add, “U furgottid teh oystirs an bebeh klamz in oyl.” Tux sat up awn himz hynd legses an swattid teh Baron in teh hed. Teh Baron iggnorrd himz, continyooin himz baff.

Stretch stretched. “Ennywayz, I sayz if us wantz it, us r hasing to taeks it. We needz a plan.”

“BANZAI!!!!!” yowlded Banzai, jumpin frum a rly hai branch daon to wer dey wuz awl sittin. “We launchin teh attak ur wut!?! Oh hai, Lil Kit.”

Lil Kit smylded. “Hae, Banz. Lissn, wut r u guiz tawkin abowt - teh hyoominz sed no shares?”

Big Smoo noddid, lukkin glum. Teh Whoppurr, hoo had strolldid up jus aftur Lil Kit, goedid obur an hedrubbed himz. “Iz okeh, Big Smoo,” purred teh Whoppurr, “we just has to be maekin a littul plan.”

“I doan want mah hyoominz gettin hurted,” warnded Big Smoo. “Dey iz gud peeps, eben if dey moastlee feeds meh teh kibbul.”

“We noes, Smoo, no worreez babeh,” sed Lil Kit. “Uh-oh, heer coemz Happycat. Wif Miss Snorgles!”

Awl teh kittehs lukked toords teh rode. “O, himz nawt gonna be so happeh wen he heerz dis,” mutturred Tux. “Bet himz wuz wantin to impress Miss Snorgles wif hao mennee cheezburgerz himz can eet.”

Nao it wuz Stretch’z turn to be standin up, an himz smacked Tux awn teh hed. “Happycat is teh nyssist cat I noes,” himz sed. “U be nyss!”

“Skoooz meh,” sed a ruffld Tux, wawkin awai daon teh branch an sittin agen wif awl teh dignitee himz cud musturr.

“O hai ebrywun!!” Happycat wuz vry happeh. “Miss Snorgles, is u alreddy noesin awl teh naypurrs? U has met Lil Kit... owr hoast, Big Smoo, fanx fur hasing us obur, Smoo... an teh Whoppurr, howz it goin, Whop... Banzai, himz a littul crazee, wach owt!... O hai Emo Kitteh, wut u doin awl teh wai obur der agenst teh tree? Dat’s Emo Kitteh... Dis iz Baron Von Nomnomnom, owr rezzydunt burd wacher, an obur der iz Tux. Hai Tux!”

“O hai, u guiz,” reeplyd Tux. “U gawts enny grate ideeyuhs fur gettin teh burgerz awai frum dese hyoomins?”

Happycat syyd. “I noed it cuddn’t be dat ezzee,” himz sed. “I wuz hoepin, tho.”

Miss Snorgles wavedid her tayl. “Can’t we jus rub agenst der legs an act awl sweety-pah? Mah daddeh alwaiz gibs meh teh nommy fuds wen I does dat.”

Lil Kit kownted to three to keep hurself frum smackin Miss Snorgles. Dis wuz wai her hayted floofy spoyld gurlee-kittehs.

Teh Baron koffed. “Well, mah gud frenz, we has estab... estabbl... figgurd owt dat purrswayshun woan’t get us teh burgerz, an owr lolfren Big Smoo has askded us nawt to be hurtin himz hyoomins, so us must needz be usin teh trickuree to gain dese burgerz.”

“Heer, heer,” sed Stretch, onlee haff-sarkastiklee.

Banzai jumpd bak an forf atween a cuppl branches. “Eggzactlee. U sed it, Baron! We needz a plan uv ackshun.”

Big Smoo jus shook himz hed. “We’z has to has teh split-sekkind tymin,” himz sed. “Nawt liek we cans cook teh burgerz owrselfs, wif owr lack uv opposabul thumbs, an dey onlee puts teh cheez awn it neer teh end.”

“I has an ideeyuh,” sed teh Baron. Awl teh kittehs leened klosur. “Wut us’ll do iz...”

* * *

“Mmm, Cheez, those burgers smell awesome!!” sed Melissa. “Are they almost ready?”

“Yeah, couple more minutes,” anserd Cheez. “Just need to put cheese on some of these burgers and let it melt a little.”

“Great,” DMarie sed. “I’m starving!”

“Tofuburgers coming through!” called Tofu, holdin teh plaet up hai as her woav thru awl teh peepul. Her reeched teh grill an startid puttin dem awn teh vegemetarian seckshun. Cheez putted teh last slyss uv cheez awn a partikoolarlee joosy-lukkin burger, den startid transfurrin teh finnisht burgerz to a beeg plattur.

Suddenlee, a stranj noyz maedid ebrywun luk ups at teh roof. “Isn’t that the new neighbor’s cat? Miss Snorgles, or something?” Tofu askded Cheez.

“WTF? My cat’s up there, too!” cryd Meno, jumpin ups frum her seet an wawkin closur to teh eeves. “Whoppurr, what are you doing?”

Teh too kittehs wuz growlin an hissin at eech uvver, bof krowched neer teh ejj uv teh roof, adbannsin an retreetin wif sharp swats toords deir faecs.

“Oh my god, my cat’s totally going to disembowel that fluffy-ass Persian,” Meno said, cuvverin her faec wif her handz an peekin owt frum betweens her fingurs.

BonzoGal wissulld. “Gonna be a catfight!” her sed. “We could turn the hose on them, or something – that would make them stop.”

Cheez, hoo wuz wachin teh kittehs wif a luk uv disbleevs, snapped owt uv it wen himz herd dis. “That’s a good idea, but our hose is busted.” Himz lukked arownd. “HEY!!!”

“Run fur it u guiz!!!!!” sed Tux, leepin off teh plattur wer dey wuz awl stelthilee gavvurd rownd, pikkin owt der burgerz. Himz jump maeded teh plattur oburturn, sendin burgerz an kittehs flyin ebrywer!

“Dammit Tux!!” sed Big Smoo, pikkin up himzself teh beeg joosy burger dat Cheez wer plannin to eet. Himz clampded it in himz jaws an ran fur it, mutterin arownd teh burger, “Now mah nommy burgerz gotted awl durty.”

“For the love of -” Tofu startid to sae, interrupptid bai –

“BANZAI!!!!!1!!!!!!!1!” skreemed Banzai, leepin off teh roof onto teh pikanik tabul, oburturnin teh buns an lettus an materz an condy... condi... catsup an musturd an stuff. Nao ebrywun skreemed an skattured, sum cuvvered in teh fud dey’d so recentlee lukked forwurd to be eetin.

“Sweet baby Jesus!” cryd Cheez. “What is wrong with these freakin’ cats?!”

It tooked Banzai three wyuld leeps to reech teh burgerz. Miss Snorgles an teh Whoppurr wer alreddee runnin awai wif der cheezburgers. Der wuz still wun cheezburgr left! Banzai skiddid arownd an faecd teh hyoomins, hoo wuz awl starin at himz wif teh luks uv disbleevs. “AWL UR CHEEZBURGERZ AR BELONG TO US!” himz crowed joifullee, pikked ups himz burger, an streeked awai wif teh uvver kittehs into teh gavurring dusk.

Teh Grate Cheezburger Liber... Liburr... Reskyoo!

Catpurr 2: Noos, Nip an Napz

Lil' Kit wuz owt nomming her own brekkies dat meownin, but herz brekfrist caem frum arownd teh trash canz at eech howse. "Commeer," sed Lil' Kit, pownsin awn a mowsie. Teh mowsie gabe a terryfied skweek an traid to run awai. Lil' Kit wuz hasing lotsa fun playin wif teh mowsie, so muches dat herz din't eben notiss Big Smoo walkin toords her.

"I iz teh Kween Kitteh, an u bettur be mememburrin dat," Lil' Kit told teh mowsie. Big Smoo lol'd, startulin herz, an her let teh mowsie goes. Mowsie skampurrd awai in a blur as Lil' Kit turndid to Big Smoo.

"O, so nao u r buyin meh brekkeez, is dat it, beeg boi?" her sed. "I wuz hongree!"

"I sawry, Lil' Kit," Big Smoo told herz. "But I'll deffnly be maekin it ups to u dis ebenin. Mah peeps be hasing a BBQ!"

Lil' Kit's yello eiz gleemd. "A BBQ?!! Wif burgerz?"

Big Smoo noddid, pleezd wif himzself. "Wif CHEEZburgrz. An bakun!"

Lil' Kit likkd herz lips. "An I kin coem?"

"A-coorz!" Big Smoo sed. "I iz needin ur halp to get teh wurd owt, ackshulee. Kin u tell teh lolkittehs awn dis sied uv teh blok? An I'll tell teh lolkittehs awn teh uvver sied. Dey sed its a reel blok partee an I doan wanna miss ennywun."

"Ebrybuddee kin coem? How bowt dat Emokitteh dat alwyz annois u?" Lil' Kit ast slilee. Herz liekded Emokitteh but herz noedid nawt menny uv teh uvver lolkittehs did. Himz wuz a craibebeh, dey seds, but himz wuz alwais nys to her an shayrd himz fud wif her if her caem arownd at teh meeltiem.

Big Smoo sighd. "Yah, I gess Emokitteh too. Himz bettur nawt crai, tho."

Lil' Kit shrugd. "Fish gotta swimz, burds gotta flai, Emokitteh gotta crai."

Big Smoo lol'd agen. "Is troo. Hai, u wanna go play in teh nip patch reel kwik befoar us starts maekin teh rownds?"

Lil' Kit stood an stretchd. "Shoor. Tho I has dowts bowt how kwik it'll be."

Shoor enuff, dey wer rollin arownd beein silleh in teh nip patch fur kwyt a wiul. Lil' Kit gawt a kays uv teh gigguls. Big Smoo finlee crawld owt an sed, "Dat wuz too muches fun! Now I iz awl hongree agen."

Lil' Kit pwnsd awn him. "O, u wud sai dat! Big Smoo, Big Smoo, ur a tummeh-boi itz troo..." her startid singin.

"Kuttit owt!!" Big Smoo sed, an dems ressuled fur a minut befoar Lil' Kit skrambuled awai agen.

"Hmph. Defensif kitteh is defensif," her sed, hasing a diggnifyd baff.

"I iz nawt defensif. I wuz jus playin," sed Big Smoo. "Hai, der's Baron Von Nomnomnom. I'z gunna start spreddin teh wurd, k? U gonna tell awl teh kittehs dat lif obur der?"

"Yah, doan worree babeh. Wut tiem shud I tell dem coem obur?" Lil' Kit had stawpd haffwai thru her baff, distraktid bai a passin flutterbai.

Big Smoo shrugd agen. "Well, it iz Caturday, so dey kin jus coem obur ennytiem. But teh BBQ's fur din-dins. O hai, Baron! Gess wut r u hasing fur dinnur tonite?" Big Smoo wuz off, hailin teh Baron, hoo wuz a cuppl howzis awai wachin teh burdeez awn himz lawn.

Lil' Kit laffd at Big Smoo. Teh Baron haytid teh interr... intur... bein bovvurd wen himz wus wachin teh burds. 'I fink I'll goes an see Stretch frist,' her thot.

Shoor enuff, her fownded Stretch rite wer esspectid, hasing a napz awn teh wall arownd himz frunt yard. Himz wuz stretched owt rly lawng, wif himz paws hanging daon offa teh wall liek a monorail kitteh. But wen himz herd Lil' Kit's noos, himz wuz so essyted himz deesydid to halp her spred teh wurd.

Bai teh tiem dey'd tawkd to Emokitteh, Banzai, Miss Floofy an Teh Whoppurr, Stretch an Lil' Kit wer bof reddy fur a riggul in teh catnip pach an a nys lawng nap. Stretch staggurd owt uv teh pach. "I bettur be gettin hoem an see bowt mah befoar-napz lunch," himz sed.

Lil' Kit rolld obur awnto her bak an stretched owt her pawz. "K," her sed. "I fink I will has mah napz riiiite.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Lil' Kit kinda noedid her wuz nappin too lawng, but teh nip wuz such a nyss plaec to nap dat her din't caer. Suddenlee her wakedid ups wif a gasp an stood ups. "O noes!" her craid. "I can has too much sleepytiem? I gotta git to teh partee!!!"

Teh Grate Cheezburger Liber... Liburr... Reskyoo!

NOTE: Continuing our ICHC theme, I had a lolstory idea. I basically have the story mapped out, but it takes a while to write in lolspeak, so I'm going to have to publish it in installments. :) I can has copyright, k? Must ask teh purrmishun to republish! Fanku.

Catpurr 1: Big Smoo's Brekkies

Big Smoo started himz Caturday jus rite, bai rollin himz tummeh to teh skai an hasing a nyyyyyyss lawwwwng stretch. Den himz baffd himz faec, liek a gud kitteh, an strolled into himz hyoomins' rum.

Himz hyoomins, Tofu n Cheez, wer still hasing der napz, liek Big Smoo noeded dey wud bees. Himz jumpt up awn teh bed, an wif serpryzin graes fur such a beeg kitteh, gentlee klymbd onto Tofu's tummeh. Big Smoo, a Mayn Koon, wuz so beeg dat hasing himz paws awn Tofu's tummeh put himz faec rite in frunt uv herz.

Nao in pozishun, Big Smoo startid teh purring. He purrd jus a lil bit at frist, den gawt lowdur an lowdur, til awl himz floof wuz vibraytin wif teh purrz. Jus liek Big Smoo, wen Tofu woked ups, she streeeeetchd, den opind her eiz. Herz brown eiz lukked strate into Big Smoo's green eiz. Tofu smyld.

"Big Smoo, you're the best alarm clock ever," her sed, usin bof handz to gifs him a rly gud rub bhine teh eerz. Big Smoo purrded eben lowder in apurrsheyayshun. Den, as Tofu stretchd agen, Big Smoo hopped awnto teh floor, lukkin bak at herz as he strolld ober to teh door.

"We can has brekkies nao?" him asked. "I wud liek a littul bakun, mahself. If ur feelin ups to it."

Tofu slolee gawt outta bed, steppin into herz slippurrz. "OK, ok, I know, it's breakfast time." Her yawned. "Thank god it's Caturday!" her sed, as dey walked toords teh kichin.

"U sed it, bebeh!!" Big Smoo aggreed. "Hae, dis iz a wiuld ideya, but hao bowt sum chzburger ommylets?! U maeks dem so nommy!"

Tofu bendid daon an gabe himz moar skriches. "OK, you big baby, I'm working on it!"

"O SWEET!!! R u sirius?!! Mommeh, ur teh BESTEST!!!!! Dis iz gunna be so grate!" Big Smoo ran ober to himz fud dish. Himz faec fell, tho, wen Tofu pulled owt teh saym owld kibbul. "But... u sed..." But der wuz no mistaykin teh sownd uv teh borin, neerlee-pleh kibbul bein porred into himz bowl.

*sigh* thot Big Smoo. Himz stared at himz mommeh fur anuvver sekund to maek shoor dis wuzn't sum meen joak, den startid eetin. *nom nom nom*

Smoo herd himz daddeh get outta bed an coem into teh kichin. "Man," Cheez sed, "we've got a lot to do if we're gonna have that barbeque tonight."

Big Smoo wuz instantlee alert. 'BBQ? WTF??!!!!' himz thot. 'Dey be grillin?'

"I know," Tofu agreed, "we've got to get all those burgers thawed out, and I need you to go to the store and get more fries and cheese."

'An pikuls!' Big Smoo thot, tryin to send teh sykik brainwaevs to himz mommeh. 'Uuuuu neeeeed pikullllllls.'

"There was something else, too," her frownded. "I just can't remember... oh, I know!"

'Whew!' Big Smoo wuz rleeved.
"We need mustard and ketchup," her sed. Her opinnd teh frijamureratur doar an stayrd insied.

'Dammit!!!' thot Big Smoo.

"Oh, and pickles. And - yeah, probably some BBQ sauce, too," Tofu sed. Cheez leened arownd her to luk in teh frijj.

"Is there anything we actually don't need?" Cheez asked. Tofu smakd himz awn teh arm.

"We've got the burgers, buns, lettuce, all that stuff," her sed.

'No bakun?? Hyoomins has teh stoopy,' thotted Big Smoo.

"No bacon?" asked Cheez. "I'll pick some up."

'Gud Daddeh,' Big Smoo purred.

"K, sounds good. I'll call everyone and see who's coming over," Tofu sed.

'O yesh, an I needs to be puttin teh wurd owt!' thot Big Smoo.

Hatching Plans

Well, I sold two more books of poetry at the market last week. I feel like I've got some momentum I can build on - plus, we acquired another office in our suite, so aside from using it for work, I can also use the space to organize and work on magazine submissions. Very exciting stuff.

I've found myself getting better about making time for the things I want to do, instead of trying to find time. It's much more effective. I've been able to make a good amount of time available to work for my BB's business, while working more than full time at my day job and investing time into producing stuff for the market. The next step is to consistently make time for my writing and for pursuing publication.

Of course, there are only so many hours in the day... but it's all well worth doing. I'm going to print some more chapbooks this weekend, and possibly put together a new one. Someone asked me for a business card at the market, so I feel like I should probably put together a marketing website PDQ!