Twitzilla: or how I learned to stop worrying and love the blog.

In recent weeks, I've found myself somewhat paralyzed by a crushing attack of what I call "Twitzilla". Twitzilla is, in my corner of the universe, a monstrous behemoth formed by an aggregate of writers across the world who are blogging their fingers off on every single topic known to writing man, and doing a much better job of it than I possibly could (or so Twitzilla whispers terrifyingly, lovingly, in my ears). 

Don't get me wrong: I adore Twitter and all the resources it provides. In fact, it ranks right up there with chocolate on the list of kickass things that make me happy. It's possibly the greatest thing that ever happened to writers, from the blog posts to the book promotions to the endless cups of tea and pictures of people's cats and seven-hundred-eleventy-three gabillion other ways we all get to know that, by god, we are not alone. Best of all, we don't have to actually see each other or talk to anyone face to face; we can hunch over our laptops in the wee hours of the night and read and write to our solitary hearts' content. 

But there's a whole lot of must-haves that can be a little soul-crushing intimidating as well. You must have a blog! You must have a platform! You must write interestingly and usefully and other-such-adverb-ly so that you can have many, many followers, or no one will ever want to publish you! 

To quote that immortal hero, Bill the Cat: ACK. 

I'm a writer, for crying out loud. I just want to write. (And edit, and read, and occasionally nap on the sofa curled up with a blanket and a book... but I digress.) And while I'll spare you the litany of other responsibilities all  screaming for attention throughout the day, believe me: there are a lot of them. It takes a concerted effort to make time to write every day. 

So the thought of coming up with blog posts on writing and editing techniques that are witty and useful and informative and all those other brilliant things is a little scary. I've spent many a happy hour reading other people's witty, useful, informative, brilliant blog posts on these topics, and you know what?

It's all pretty much covered. Yep. That's it, guys, time to call it a day and go read each other poetry over a tasty microbrew! (Hey, a girl can dream.) 

Coming up with new twists on blog posts on writing and editing techniques now seems to take ingenious acts of creativity that I always assumed I should put towards, y'know, story ideas and incredible poetic images and razor-sharp dialogue that advances the plot. Silly things like that. It seemed like any time I did come up with an idea, I would immediately see the link to someone else's blog post in which they ran with it and, yep, did a fantastic job.

You can imagine my relief when it recently occurred to me that I don't need to be intimidated after all. Something finally sunk in, which is that everyone is just sharing their own experiences (insert platitude about snowflakes here).  I can leash up Twitzilla and take that bad boy for a walk. If I just do my thing, somewhere out there in the magical interwebs it'll mean something to someone else. 

So, to make a short story long (and I do apologize - you might have noticed by now that I have a slight tendency to ramble), I intend to post on a regular basis now. I'm starting with once a week. I can't promise anything earth-shattering, but I can promise you - and myself - that I'll be posting about my experiences with writing and editing, in the sincere hope that some of it will prove useful to you. And by the way, thank you, in advance, for reading.

Also, I'm curious: what writing blog topics do you find endlessly fascinating? Let me know - I'd love some food for Twitzilla thought.

Reaching the Goal

I'm thrilled to announce that I met my November writing goal today, completing the second draft of my current work-in-progress. I must say, the experience taught me a lot, since I've never revised a novel before. In case it proves helpful to others struggling with revising an unwieldy first draft, here are the key lessons I learned:

Know thyself. I am a terrible procrastinator, I'll admit it right now. (Or maybe later.) I set myself a deadline to complete this revision during the month of November. I got through a little more than half the novel and hit a big fat brick wall. The wall didn't move for a good two weeks or more. On Black Friday, after stuffing myself with leftover pumpkin pie, it occurred to me that I had three days left in the month and few other demands on my time. I figured out that if I averaged seven chapters a day, I could still meet the goal; this seemed entirely feasible. I got re-energized (why else do we procrastinate, except that we love the mad dash towards the finish line?) and made it happen.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses as writers. If you're honest with yourself about what they are, you can leverage the former against the latter to avoid your own pitfalls.

Don't give up. Churchill said it best - doesn't he always? "If you are going through hell, keep going." I think he was probably referring to WWII, or possibly the Boer War, but regardless, the adage works here too. While it's not quite as traumatic as war, revising your writing tends to be hellish more often than not. Difficult choices present themselves. I want the work to be phenomenal, but am I going the right way to get there? This is the question.

That big fat brick wall I hit? In the first draft, I'd written some chapters in first person and some in third person. I had to make a narrative choice and stick with it. Guess who deeply questioned that choice just over halfway through the second draft? I agonized for a good two weeks before deciding, "What the hell," and telling myself to just get on with it. If the end result sucked, well, I'd just proved to myself I could take massive amounts of writing and make titchy subject & verb tense changes throughout it. I could always do it again, but I wanted to finish this draft first, maybe to see how it went, maybe just because I'm stubborn, maybe a little of both. By the end of the revision, I felt like I'd made the right choice after all, and even developed cogent-sounding arguments as to why my narrative choice better supported the story. (At least, I'd like to think they sound cogent.)

It's rough, no doubt. When you care this much about something, a bad roadblock can make you question the entire project, and it's tempting to walk away and start anew. I think the key is to not give up midway through your decision; carry it through to the end before you determine if it's unworthy. It's dangerous to try and judge only part of the picture.

Identify the issues before you start fixing things. Granted, things will pop up along the way, and you should address some of those too. But you already know what huge, glaring plot holes you blithely skipped over on that first go-round, or that you were going to have to do some serious web-surfing to write accurately about raising goats in Greece, or what have you. Hopefully, you had at least two or three readers provide you with feedback, and you've read it through yourself (resisting the urge to launch into revision right then, which is so hard, isn't it?). I actually made a list of the issues I wanted to fix and the questions I had to face, so I could approach them more effectively. I'm definitely more of a pantser when it comes to the first draft, but I think the more structured & organized approach to the second draft is what got me through it.

Plan on a next draft. We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we write. (Go ahead, call me Captain Obvious.) You don't have to make it perfect right now, just better. Knowing this helped me a lot. I confess I took refuge in focusing on the technicalities for much of this draft, except for changing and dropping a couple parts of the plot that just didn't feel right - and that I felt capable of fixing there and then. If I ran into something that was still too overwhelming to tackle, I left it for the third draft without even a twinge of guilt. I stayed plenty busy fixing other massive problems, the ones I'd planned on dealing with. Like my mom says, "Eat the elephant one bite at a time."

of miscellaneous mind

I've got an amalgam of thoughts jostling each other for space right now.

First, as I delve further into the writing Twitterverse, I keep coming across articles on common topics. One is what-you-should-be-Tweeting or how-to-be-a-successful-Twitter-writer or whatever. Here's my opinion:

Just be yourself.

It's a lot like writing; it's important to speak with your authentic voice. There seems to be a lot of advice to advance your personal brand and be professional and useful and whatever else people want you to be. Apparently people don't want to know what I'm making for dinner or that I'm entertained by my cat snoring. Those people would be well advised not to follow me.

Granted, I do think you should learn from the things that annoy you in others, and not do them yourself. Learn from the things you admire in others, and adapt them to your own strengths.
 I like to know both the professional and personal side of people I follow on Twitter; it's much like enjoying a well-developed character in a book. If you're only showing your professional side, you come across as pretty flat. Be a real person. There's only one of you. Tell me who you are.

Granted, I think a key to this is to try and have a sense of humor about it. Whether on Twitter or in real life, genuinely self-absorbed people are just boring. But random glimpses of others' quirks remind me of the notes struck by a really good poem, when I'm grateful to realize just how universal my individual perspective really is.

So, that's my little rant about "how to act on Twitter". In other news, while the rest of the writing world is launching into NaNoWriMo with all the frenzy that writing a novel in a month deserves, I'm throwing myself into NaNoEdMo rather like a dive into an icy pond. In other words, I'm editing the novel I wrote during last year's NaNo. I attempted the same project in May, and got through five chapters in two weeks. This morning, I got through those five chapters again, and yes, through chapter 6 as well. (Hooray! Progress!) Here's hoping that being unemployed will keep me swimming through the murky waters of revision.

Since I'm working on this project, a lot of the links posted by my tweeps are serving as helpful reminders on the craft of writing. I hope they help you too. The agent/publishing/marketing-related links will come later.

My sincere thanks for links and/or writing the actual articles: @inkyelbows, @megancrewe, @motjustes, @ElizabethSCraig, @Quotes4Writers, @AdviceToWriters, @benwhiting, @mystorywriter, @david_hewson, @WritersDigest, @brianklems, @jessicastrawser, @MFAConfidential, Jon Morrow and Stephanie Perkins.

Tips from a master of writing. From @MFAConfidential: Flannery O'Connor's take on the tenets of craft. http://ow.ly/15YolZ

From psych major and YA author @megancrewe: What makes a good story? http://j.mp/3gOhzY

From Elizabeth S. Craig's excellent blog: Different characters have different perceptions. http://short.to/v7hu

From crime writer Andrew Taylor: Getting the Plot Right. http://bit.ly/10vwGX

From Jon Morrow: No one but you is an authority on your writing. http://bit.ly/r3nK3

To become a better writer: Intense, focused practice. http://bit.ly/1NpapO

He's absolutely right about the Facebook/Twitter trap. From @david_hewson: Keeping your writing alive - even when you're not writing. http://ow.ly/x71i

From @brianklems: 4 Tips for Choosing the Right Word. http://ow.ly/xmw7

I'm not quite sure how I ended up on the following blog, but I enjoy the irony of her digressions as she talks about how important it is to stay focused on your plot. Irony aside, good tips on self-editing: 
  http://naturalartificial.blogspot.com/2009/10/scarf-weather-answers-part-eleven.html

learning.

This whole large-amounts-of-free-time thing is a new and strange experience for me. The good news is that I'm learning a hell of a lot.

One thing I'm learning is that posting writing links gleaned on Twitter "once or twice a week", as I so naively posted yesterday, would either be totally insufficient or completely overwhelming. There are just too many good articles out there. I must've read at least 35 or 40 yesterday, and since waking less than two hours ago, I've read 5 or 10 more. Um... wow.

I feel a bit silly for not cluing in to this wealth of information before. I take some comfort in the fact that I was working more than 40 hours a week, and any time I made for writing took the form of cocooning myself in my own creative efforts. But what a remarkable new world to enter; it's almost like a DIY grad degree.

Still, however inspiring and useful the articles are, a too-long list of links could turn into a death-by-chocolate scenario, in which one's attempting to finish an ecstatically yummy cake, but can't quite manage the last couple bites for fear of brain explosion.

Really, it's a lot to keep up with, and a lot to take in. Frankly, my brain's kinda tired. So I'm going to tell the perfectionist side of me to feck off, keep up with the articles as best I can, and post a round-up on here when I have 10-15 links or so. Which, dear reader, would be now, among other times.

A few current trends are apparent: NaNoWriMo fever, for one; for another, massive changes are afoot in the publishing world, but the traditional process is by no means obsolete (yet); and an interesting number of articles calling writer's block is a sissy's excuse neglecting your craft. I didn't post any of that last category here, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts that a quick google search on it will give you plenty of reading.

A couple other things are also obvious: if you're a writer on Twitter, and you're not following @inkyelbows, @motjustes, and @thecreativepenn, you're seriously missing out. These folks have led me to at least 85 percent of the articles I'm posting here, and they are invaluable resources. Rock on, y'all, and thanks.

Other literary tweeps providing links or writing these excellent articles: @bhurley, @FictionMatters, @Nathan Bransford, @BookEndsJessica, @joannayoung, @Kid_Lit, @JonMorrow, @FictionCity, @ftoolan, @fastcompany, @jessicastrawser and @WritersDigest. My heartfelt thanks.

If I've left anyone out, I apologize - let me know in the comments and I'll update with appropriate credit.

On writers and the craft of writing:

@bhurley: The craft vs. the art of writing http://bit.ly/Geck2

Why good writers make bad conversationalists http://short.to/v4u5

@NathanBransford: Mainstream literary fiction is increasingly found at the intersection of quality and accessibility. http://bit.ly/4uzPbW

@BookendsJessica: Present vs past tense: which is best? http://bit.ly/1SSaRP

I really liked this article. Character and landscape http://bit.ly/1iaKwY

Another great article. @joannayoung: Confident writing tips (stop apologizing!) http://bit.ly/2r8VgO

"Good writing is rewriting." The Secret of Pixar Storytelling http://bit.ly/30PjLJ

Great roundtable discussion. Starting a new novel: http://short.to/v4uz

10 top social networks for artists & writers http://tinyurl.com/yzl5ree

On publishing:

@Kid_Lit: If you’re getting intimidated by a query letter, you’re probably overthinking it. http://j.mp/cU50V

20 Tips for Query Letters http://bit.ly/1IY0T5

@FictionCity: Finding Consistency in Query Letter Advice http://bit.ly/1bMSQ1

Mind-boggling. @ftoolan: The Day Publishing All Changed http://short.to/uwyd

@fastcompany: Forget Everything You've Heard About Book Publishing http://is.gd/4zXUt

tweedle-dee

I'm a big fan of Twitter. I know some people aren't into it; to each their own, and all that. But if you're a writer, I cannot recommend Twitter strongly enough. It's an excellent forum for connecting with other writers & bibliophiles, getting leads on potential agents, and above all, finding an almost ridiculous amount of useful articles & essays on all aspects of craft, publishing, self-marketing, etc.

So, being newly unemployed and having ample time on my hands to pursue and peruse said articles & essays, I've decided to these are just too good to not share with the rest of the non-tweeting world. Once or twice a week, I'm going to post a round-up of links to awesome writing articles or resources I've found on Twitter.

And so it begins. If you're on Twitter, check out my feed @annthewriter. Many thanks for the links (or writing the pieces themselves) to @ElizabethSCraig, @inkyelbows, @motjustes, @ColleenLindsay, @VictoriaMixon, @AlexanderChee, @justinemusk, @thecreativepenn, @rileymagnus and @ByLeavesWeLive.

On writers & the craft of writing:

LOVED this: @alexanderchee on Annie Dillard's writing class: http://bit.ly/24rvRa

Nice interview with Seamus Heaney by Alan Taylor in the Herald: http://ow.ly/wNjb

"Reading is the inhale. Writing is the exhale." @justinemusk's reader's manifesto http://bit.ly/qORT4

Booker winner Hilary Mantel on historical fiction http://j.mp/2QapdS

10 ways to write every day: http://short.to/uqnx

On publishing & marketing your work:

Making sure your cover letters don't have sleazy pick-up lines in them: http://tinyurl.com/yzblrmk

Booklife: Strategies & Survival Tips for the 21st Century Writer - A different kind of guide http://bit.ly/28IC9c

Market Research for Authors http://short.to/uw23

(Incidentally, Twitter's a great resource for any craft or hobby you pursue - my feeds are largely comprised of those similarly obsessed with writing, reading, and/or craft beer. If you're into good beer, there are a hell of a lot of good breweries & cool homebrewers just tweeting away out there...)

Another take on Vonnegut's Seventh Rule

I was thrilled to be asked to guest post on www.fictionmatters.com:

I'm intrigued by the concept of Vonnegut’s Seventh Rule, which essentially is to write for one person rather than the whole world. I’ve never really considered writing for the whole world; instead, I find myself writing for my main character. After all, if I don’t tell his story, no one else will. And if I can tell the story to his satisfaction, I’m certain to end up happy with it as well.

(Side note: I’m rather enjoying the fact that Vonnegut would’ve hated that semicolon in the preceding paragraph.)

I think one’s instinctive audience is deeply intertwined with one’s creative process. Every (good) story I’ve written has started because a protagonist popped into my mind, in a sort of reverse-Athena-birthing, whispering urgently that they must tell me about this thing. Or I’ll get a sudden image of this person - who’s never occurred to me before - in the middle of an intriguing action, and realize I must know what happened next. Or maybe I do know what happened next, and before too, and realize that for his sake and mine, I must tell his story, now now now.

There are some great advantages to this approach, in my opinion. My protagonists become close friends of mine, because I take their stories seriously, and they know I’m listening. Writing for them helps me with characterization quite a lot, because they’re driving the story so much that all I have to do is pay attention, and a thousand tiny details come forth with relatively little effort.

It also helps me with developing other characters. Since the secondary characters are all there because they’re a part of the protagonist’s life, I tend to see them from the protag’s point of view. How they respond to the main character, and how he responds to them, helps me understand both people better. The drawback, not surprisingly, is that this can make my secondary characters a bit flat at times. But hey, that’s why we have revision, right? I’m a big believer in getting the first draft down on paper and worrying about making it great on the next go-round or twenty.

Another thing I love about this approach is that the inspiration is all wrapped up with it. Whatever inner emotion makes this character so urgent, so insistent that I tell their story, tends to be one of the main themes. Even better, since that passion is innately contained within their personality, I typically don’t have to put a lot of conscious thought into the character’s motivation. It seems natural that the protagonist’s motivation and the story’s overall themes are linked in a necessary - indeed, inextricable - way. Granted, I may not fully understand that motivation or the themes until I’m knee-deep in the story, but I just keep trusting my main character and in time, all is revealed.

Focusing on telling this specific character’s story to his satisfaction helps me to hone in on the plot, too, even if I can’t see all the way to the end when I first start jotting down the scenes and images that occur to me. If I start to get lost, or bogged down, I can turn to the protagonist and say, “Sorry, what were we talking about? I got a little distracted.” In a very real sense, the protagonist is like a guide leading me along an unfamiliar trail through the forest. It doesn’t feel like I’m making up his story; I’m listening to it, asking questions, and writing as fast as I can.

Favorite Writing Exercises

I've been taking writing workshops for nearly 20 years now. As you can imagine, I've come across quite a few good writing exercises.

Why do writing exercises? Creativity is like a muscle; frequent use keeps it in good shape. You'll be amazed at how easily the words start flowing when you get into a writing "workout routine". Other times, writing exercises can help you work through a tricky bit, when you can't quite figure out the problem but you don't like a sentence, word, line of poetry etc.

"Yeah, yeah," you're saying. "We've all heard the recommendation to write at least 15 minutes a day, but even when I can find the time, it's hard to get into it." The problem could be that you're trying to be too focused. Muzzle your inner editor, and just let the words flow without worrying about getting them right. You'll be amazed what great stuff comes out.

DISCLAIMER: I am a total hypocrite. I don't write every day, unless you count email and work. But writing every day remains the goal.

Some days, you may want to write in a line completely different than your current work in progress, just to keep your brain from stagnating over the subject.

Every exercise has a thousand variations. This is just a general road map.

Writing Exercises

When (character) woke up this morning, little did he know...
...destiny was about to bring him:
...he was about to make the most amazing realization:
...his worst nightmare was about to come true:
...his lifelong dream was about to come true:
...during the night, his pet had:
...his (family member) was about to arrive on his doorstep:
...he would meet his future spouse that day:
...his significant other had already left him:


Describe in detail (character)'s...
...favorite chair
...kitchen table
...closet
...bedroom
...yard/garden
...hometown
...first/current car
...first/current pet
...first time drunk/high
...first/current crush
...first kiss
...first sex
...first breakup
...most embarrassing moment
...greatest triumph
...recurring dream
...very good or very bad day
...favorite or most hated chore
...favorite or most hated teacher
...favorite or most hated food
...favorite or most hated holiday
...favorite outfit
...sunglasses
...treasured piece of jewelry
...favorite shoes
...favorite alcoholic beverage/drug
...favorite work of art
...favorite book

Describe the first time your character's best friend met his significant other.

Describe a parent-teacher conference between your character's parent and his favorite or most hated teacher.

Describe where your character dreams of traveling. What would he do when he got there?

If your work-in-progress has a word, phrase, sentence, paragraph etc that just doesn't feel quite right, but you can't identify why, use this exercise from phenomenal poet Suzanne Gardinier, from whom I took an amazing workshop in college. Take that item (a line of poetry, in my case), start a new document or get a fresh piece of paper, and write an entire page (or poem) just about that item. Expound to your heart's content, then take the best parts of the result and work them back into the original document.

A Little Prehistory

I owe it all to my mom, really. She's a librarian. She retired this past November, but in some ways librarians are like Marines; once a librarian, always a librarian. Some of my fondest memories of spending time with Mom are of reading together before bedtime. Sometimes she would read to me; sometimes I would read to her. It was great together-time. (By the way, I don't care how old you are, you need to read "The Pushcart War" if you haven't already. It was our all-time favorite.)

I learned to read when I was three years old. I've always been fascinated by words, and the fact that they could be captured by these markings on a page seemed like magic. I still remember the first book I read by myself, "The Wolf and the Seven Kids". It was during free time in preschool one day. Surprised the hell out of the teacher - I still remember the look on her face when I walked up to her afterwards, held up the book, and said, "I read this."

Sometime in the next year, I learned that books were written by people. I think this again was thanks to my mom. Before that, I'd assumed books were just there, like trees and cars and people. To find that people created books was like being struck by a lightning bolt.

Close upon the heels of that epiphany came the realization that I was one of those people who created books. Brimming with the certain knowledge of my destiny, I ran into the kitchen. "Mom," I said, my voice urgent. "I know what God wants me to do when I grow up." (My notions of God were a lot more clear-cut at age four.)

Mom looked surprised, then tolerant, as adults often do when kids make their life-changing discoveries.

"What's that, honey?"

"He wants me to be a writer."

She half-suppressed a smile. "Oh! Okay, honey."

"I know it, Mom. That's why I'm here," I insisted.

"Okay, Ann. Be a writer."

The Never-Ending Story?

Ever have a story that just won't go away? It could've lain dormant for months, you've nearly kissed it good-bye, and all of a sudden, WHAM! A character pops into your head and says something pithy that sends you on a desperate hunt for scratch paper, regardless of where you are and what you're doing.

Those darn characters. No consideration at all, I tell ya. The worst is in the shower; writing with soap works so much better on cars than it does on bathroom tiles. Especially if you use liquid soap.

I've been working on a story for, oh, a couple of years now. (In ink - much more permanent than liquid soap.) I like the story, and I'm absolutely devoted to the main character. He can be a tease sometimes, hanging around on my mind without particularly offering any great insights or the abovementioned pithy comments, but I keep researching the times and settings of his life and kept plugging away at the writing. I thought I'd made a pretty good draft of Part I, and then the new Thomas Pynchon book, "Against the Day", came out. Reading it, I just wanted to shred my Part I into a million tiny pieces.

What a fool I was for pursuing such a linear plotline! What was I thinking, using omniscient third-person narrative so restrictively?! And on, and on, and on. Dammit, Pynchon, you're a genius, but that long shadow of yours sure can be a bitch when it falls directly on my feeble attempts at literature.

Eventually, I got over it, remembering that every story has its own best plotline and narration. Whew! What a relief. Beware comparing yourself to the writers you love; you really are your own worst critic.

But I think self-criticism is something that happens to writers when our brains aren't occupied enough with the actual work of writing. I probaby wouldn't have been nearly so self-flagellant if I'd actually written anything for my story within the few months previous to reading "Against the Day". But I hadn't, so I was already feeling somewhat unworthy, research aside.

The trick here is to celebrate the daily victories. I mean really, when you work a forty-hour-plus job, and with all the other demands on people's time, just be happy that you even have the energy to think about writing. Pat yourself on the back for doing some research. Reward yourself with chocolate for doing a ten-minute writing exercise. Did you actually write some of the story? Good lord, go out and get laid!

Okay, so I'm exaggerating for comedic effect. But the point remains. I'm not going to berate myself anymore for not having the Great American Novel written and published by the time I'm 30. I'm just glad that I'm working on a story at all. Let it take years, if it has to; this character rocks!

The Best Day Ever (The Wedding Poem Post)

One of the most incredible ways I got to bring my writing into my practical life was for our wedding. Sure, all my childhood dreams involved the "til death us do part" rote, but when it came down to it, I discovered that I couldn't possibly get married with another's words.

Thankfully, my now-husband agreed. Well, he wasn't quite as self-righteous about it, but he was cool with me writing our entire wedding ceremony. Woo hoo! Talk about a captive audience. I knew no one would dare facing the wrath of my mother if they got bored in the middle of it and wanted to walk out.

It was a ton of fun to write the ceremony; my stepmom helped with research on different wedding traditions from relevant cultures - largely Irish, German and of course American. Writing it was by far one of the most fun parts of planning the wedding. (At one point, I probably would've said one of the only fun parts, but happily Time has dimmed those memories.)

Among other ceremony components, I knew I wanted to include a reading of a love poem I'd written for my Best Beloved. But when I got to the point of deciding which poem to include - and after nearly seven years together, there were a lot - I found that none of them were quite what I wanted to say on this occasion.

So I wrote a new poem.

Here it is, in all its copyright-protected glory. (If you want to use it, just post a comment to ask.) Thanks and love to my maid of honor, Kate, one of my best friends from Sarah Lawrence College, who gave a really good reading of it during the ceremony.


true love

how to put words around the truth of love
the looks, the smells, the small private joke
how to say what we are, what you mean to me –

my own tongue is too clumsy.
let the stars put it into words for us.

let the wind sing the truth of love
as it whips round the corners of our home,
battering against the walls
behind which we curl, in shared sleep.

let the curving road, sun-dappled, disappearing under our car
say where the path of love may lead.
who knows but we may best know love
changing a flat tire by the side of the road.

and perhaps it is the impossible definition of love
that makes us all long to know it,
for the only chance
to understand love
is to live it.

let the next adventure take us
where it will, my love

I will go with you.

At the Very Beginning, There Was Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut gets credit for this entire blog, little though he'd want it, were he still alive. Am I the only one still mourning Vonnegut's death? Surely not. I bet John Irving's still pacing his halls, if no one else.

When I heard the news, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I focused on finishing the new Pynchon book as fast as possible, so I could start 'tribute reading' all the Vonnegut books I had. (Neither easy tasks, by the way. Have you seen the new Pynchon? It could stop a bullet! Likewise, tribute reading a prolific writer like Vonnegut is not a task for the faint of heart.)

So now, a week or so and a Cat's Cradle, Deadeye Dick, Player Piano and introduction to Breakfast of Champions later (with many more books yet to go), I am forcibly struck by the absence of the love letter I never wrote to Kurt Vonnegut. It was the force of this realization that drove me to start a blog, so I could tell the online world how much Vonnegut meant to me, since I never told him while he was alive.

Vonnegut is probably doing triple axels in his grave right now, assuming they buried him wearing ice skates and he's somehow magically online reading this post. I can just imagine him: "Good Lord! Why are you cluttering up the collective consciousness with odes to an absurd, deceased writer?" Maybe he'd quote a relevant Bokonon poem, or maybe he'd just say, "Hi-ho."

Regardless, here it is:

O Greatest of Kurts,

This letter's been a long time coming. Half my life ago, my hands cracked open the cover of "Breakfast of Champions", and when I closed the book again, I was changed forever. I suppose part of my love for you will always be the fourteen year old who was so astonished to find that somebody else out there found the world as funny and pathetic and hopeful and sad as I did.

I think that's where your greatness lies - and don't scoff, because you truly are a great writer. Your books are incredible, the way you interweave humor and pathos, effortlessly, naturally, with a brutal harshness and a sweet poignancy.

It is remarkable. It is, in fact, purely Vonnegut.

Maybe that's what I admire the most - that your style can't be imitated, and you imitate none other. Maybe it's the honesty that shines through your work, even as you protest that everything you say is untrue. Maybe it's the kinship I feel reading your mockery of mankind's pretense that we're better than human, and your celebration of the fact that we are, after all, only imperfect, blundering, frail, self-delusional humans.

Really, that's all we need to be. Thank you for pointing it out, again and again and again. Thanks for all the laughs, the sorrow, the catharsis. Thanks for being you. I can't imagine a world without you, but thank god you wrote all you did, because even after your death, you are still in the world with us.

I love you, Kurt Vonnegut. You are greatly missed.